WORDS AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY: AHNIKA BERG
SITTING DOWN, LIGHTING UP, AND RELEASING MY GRIP ON HOW I THINK THINGS “SHOULD” BE: ONE OF MY FAVORITE FORMS OF MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL SELF-CARE.
But, like all good things, it loses a little sparkle when overused. These days, I’m always trying to find the right balance between being high and sober. If you’ve been interacting with cannabis for many years, maybe you’ve got your routine nailed down, and that’s something to be proud of.
But I still ask myself all the time, “Should I get high today?” It’s one of the juiciest (and most avoided) questions for stoners everywhere. Some of y’all might retort: “Is it even a question?” Whenever the topic of how much we smoke comes up in rotation, I either hear answers like “all the time,” given with a proud smile, or something like “too much, it’s so bad,” given with self-reproach and shame. It doesn’t need to be either of these answers. The “right” amount of consumption will be so different for everyone. I’m here to open the conversation, introduce tools for consciousness, and help release some self-judgment.
I’m a recent college graduate and a new small-business owner, and the truth is that I wouldn’t have been able to reach these goals without the presence of cannabis in my life. My consumption has changed over the years. I started using cannabis consistently in 2021 to self-medicate the intensity of depression, disordered eating behavior, and panic-inducing anxiety. Getting high introduced a whole new space in my life for processing emotions, confronting fears, and stimulating my lost appetite. It felt like waves of relief, and I couldn’t deny the positive change.
However, I also grew up in a religious household that had absorbed a bias against the “Devil’s Lettuce:” a historically common (and also unconsciously racist) belief that marijuana use is akin to criminal activity, therefore making a person morally unsound. More recently, the term “Devil’s Lettuce” has been reclaimed as a seductive rejection of harmful religious doctrine and the War on Drugs. For a long time, it was intended to instill fear of going to hell and to create shame around the truths that cannabis might uncover.
Conscious consumption is about raising awareness and acknowledging those who came before us is a great place to start. As American cannabis consumers, we have a responsibility to recognize the history of criminalization in our country, including how the government has unjustly used the substance as a means to incarcerate people of color. After all, “the war on drugs was a war on BIPOC” (Nice Paper, 2020).
By circling back to support targeted communities, we create respect and gratitude for the path that brought us to legal enjoyment today. Continually educating ourselves, supporting BIPOC cannabis companies, and advocating for the release of those convicted through criminalization policies are just a few ways to help create a more equitable future.
For a while, I was confused and ashamed. How can something that helps me be so bad for me? As I work through my layers of self-doubt and unconscious bias, I come back to my knowledge of what’s good for me rather than ideas from my family or society. And in turn, I release my judgment of others by trusting that they know what’s best for them. More recently, my cannabis use has brought me a sense of joy and lightness, and it helps me set intentions for creativity and wellness. I take a break, breathe deeply, and appreciate all the inspiration that the world has to offer.
If you’ve been following along with Montana Canna Mag, you know the importance of environmental sustainability. What happens when we apply this lens to social and personal aspects of our lives? Sustainable means “meeting the needs of the present without compromising the ability of the future to meet their own needs” (UN, 2017).
We can rethink our daily routines, self-care, and relationships regarding whether they are enabling or taking from our future well- being. This shift requires moving our perspective away from “capitalizing” on resources (taking advantage of them while they exist) toward investing in mutual benefit for the long run. This can look like taking time for rest, building relational trust, or reflecting on which habits we don’t want long-term.
In terms of consuming substances with addictive potential, we need to be aware of whether they take more than they add to our lives. In the eyes of Ismatu Gwendolyn, “a drug can be anything that changes your central nervous system and creates a physical reaction that can change behavior” (Gwendolyn, 2023). This includes alcohol, cannabis, sugar, and caffeine, but also avoidance, social media, and various other emotional stimulants that can create repeated physical reactions. These things surround us constantly, making it nearly impossible to avoid being affected.
The hot take: We are all addicted to some creature comfort. It’s very natural, and we don’t need to feel ashamed. But we do need to be conscious of what we are consuming and responsible for the effects it has. Get honest about your coping mechanisms and what they are helping you cope with. Does consumption add more to your life (and relationships) than it takes? For many people, the answer may be no, and sobriety is an important option in this case.
Sometimes, I know I need a break from cannabis. My head feels too foggy, my throat gets sore, or I have some logistical tasks to handle. I’ve realized that the high becomes less enjoyable if I forget to come back down. So, I set a goal for a certain amount of time without consuming it. Honestly, I don’t always meet my goal, but it still results in a break, and I learn something about myself and my usage each time.
Thinking about what we want, from a high or our life at large, can do wonders for having a more conscious experience. With cannabis use, you alone know what is best for you. You only need validation from yourself and support from a like-minded community to keep you conscious and accountable. Listen when your body asks for a break, and aim to seek balance, sustainability, and alignment. Most importantly, be kind to yourself!
If you want to deepen your intention with cannabis, explore the questions below in your next smoke session.
Originally Published in The Fall/Winter 2024 Issue of Montana Cannabis Magazine. (Click to expand the original spreads).
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